( please read this with soft music and zero stress ok... )
That day on island duty... all my colleagues left for another building which had AC and a TV. And I was just sitting alone in that entire building... sweating, no fan, no AC, no distractions... literally nothing around me.
Like normally if I'm in Balasore and something is bothering me I can just scroll reels, go out with friends, go for a ride... there's always something. But there? Nothing at all. Just me and my thoughts getting louder in that heat 😔
And I had kept that time for you specifically... not because I had to but because honestly talking to you was the only thing I was looking forward to that whole day. So when the evening changed... my dumb brain just started spiralling and I couldn't control it 😅
"Hey... I'm feeling kind of alone today and I just really wanted to talk to you."
That's literally it. That's all it was. Instead I said "yeah I'm fine"... hung up... and went to sit at the beach alone and overthink for 45 minutes like some dramatic movie character with no audience 😭💀
Licku... I'm genuinely so sorry that our conversation
gave you a headache and somehow also convinced
your body to start periods 6 whole days early...
I genuinely did not know I had that kind of power 😭
I love you too much and I overthink way too much and apparently
that's a dangerous combination for you physically 💀
Blame me fully. You have complete permission.
I'll take it 🙏
You told me to just tell you things openly... and you were completely right.
Next time I'm on duty, alone, feeling some type of way...
I'll just say it directly instead of doing the whole
"yeah I'm fine" thing and then going to overthink at the beach 🌊😭
And that message you sent me that night...
"I have you. Why would I be interested anywhere else."
I'm keeping that one with me for a long time 🥺
sorry for the headache...
sorry for the periods 6 days early...
not sorry for caring about you this much though 🥺❤️